WWNYC Neighborhood Smackdown: Red Hook “Meathook” Brooklyn VS. “El Diablo” Hell’s Kitchen

¿Quién es más macho?

Brooklyn’s Red Hook may have been the setting for H.P. Lovecraft’s terrifying short tale, “The Horror at Red Hook,” but don’t expect Manhattan’s Hell’s Kitchen—the setting for “West Side Story”—to go down without menacing finger snaps, a show-stopping dance number and a flurry of jazz hands!

These two NYC neighborhoods are well-matched in terms of their working class roots and vestiges of a bad-ass history that seem to inspire nostalgia in newer residents who seek out this authenticity in a neighborhood, although demand driven condo and co-op prices and merciless credit checks might be prohibitive to any apartment applicant who has a working class income or bad-ass history of their own. For such NYC real estate seekers, Hell’s Kitchen past may trump Red Hook in terms of bad-assed-ness, but Red Hook is a serious contender to the title of Uber-Urban 'Hood of Industrial Chic in that it's about ten years behind Hell’s Kitchen in the relentless march of gentrification, so highly coveted Brooklyn condos, co-ops, apartments, and brownstones can be more easily hunted down here than in virtually any other NYC real estate market.

More specs for Hell's Kitchen's can be found here, but below are the components of the quality of whoop-ass that Red Hook brings to the chain-link octagon for the epic NYC Neighborhood Smackdown that is surely playing out with gratuitous brutality in your real estate addled brain:

RED HOOK

LOCATION
Red Hook is a peninsula in the East River on the southern edge of Downtown Brooklyn, so the only non-nautical border is the Gowanus Expressway and Brooklyn-Battery Tunnel approach that effectively lops this pointy “Southern Brooklyn” appendage.

POPULATION: Approximately 11,000
Hell's Kitchen: Approximately 42,000

AREA: .82 Square Miles
Hell's Kitchen: .91 Square Miles

AVERAGE RESIDENTIAL PROPERTY SALE PRICE (Mar-May '08): $773,750
Average Brooklyn Condo, Co-op, Home: $670,296
Average Hell's Kitchen Condo, Co-op, Home (Dec. '07-Feb. '08): $1,200,000
Average Manhattan Condo, Co-op, Home: $2,286,490

AVERAGE PRICE PER RESIDENTIAL SQUARE FOOT (Mar-May '08): $388
Brooklyn Average: $349
Hell's Kitchen Average: $778
Manhattan Average: $1265

TRANSPORTATION
Yeah, about that… Red Hook is very under-served by public transportation, contributing to the isolated quality of the neighborhood that some residents love but that others find annoying.

SUBWAYS: Ah, the sub-what now?
TRANSPORTATION TIME TO MIDTOWN, PEAK HOURS
B61 Bus to Jay Street/Borough Hall Subway Station: 25 minutes
→ A, C, or F Train to Midtown stops: 20 minutes
B77 Bus to Smith and Ninth Streets Subway Station: 10 minutes
→ F Train to Midtown stops: 25 minutes
Car, via Brooklyn-Battery Tunnel to Lower Manhattan: 15 minutes
Parking, Taking Subway to Midtown stops: 15 minutes
→ Driving to Midtown: depends wildly on traffic.
WATER TAXI: Van Burnt Street (by the Fairway) has direct service to lower Manhattan and is on a route with stops in other parts of Brooklyn, Queens, and Manhattan.

Hell's Kitchen: With all of the following transportation hubs in walking distance, infinite combinations of subway, bus, train, PATH, or airport shuttle can get you to almost any destination on the planet!
Time Square—42nd St. Subway Station (Grand Central Shuttle, S)
Port Authority Bus Terminal, W40th-W42nd Sts., 8th & 9th Aves.
Pennsylvania ("Penn") Station, W31st-W33rd Sts., 8th & 9th Aves.

PUBLIC ELEMENTARY SCHOOLS, PS 15 AND PS 27
45% Read At Or Above Grade Level (2007 State Test Scores)
Hell's Kitchen: 71%

PUBLIC MIDDLE SCHOOL, PS 27
21% Read At Or Above Grade Level (2007 State Test Scores)

EATING AND DRINKING An industrial peninsula of Foodie heaven...
The Good Fork, 391 Van Brunt St. (at Coffey St.), 718-643-6636

Tini Wine Bar and Café, 414 Van Brunt St., 718-855-4206

Defonte’s Sandwich Shop, 379 Columbia St. (at Luquer St.), 718-625-8052

Sixpoint Craft Ales, 40 Van Dyke St. (at Dwight St.)

Hell's Kitchen: Lots of great places, but Restaurant Row (W. 46th bet. 8th, 9th Aves.) is it's own inner circle of Hell for area residents. Someone really ought to take down that sign:

"Tourists! Proudly unfurl your maps of Manhattan in the middle of the sidewalk and be sure to elbow other pedestrians in the face or poke them in the eye when you point without looking! Ask Ask hurrying midtown residents and workers for directions to the Disney Store then get angry and refuse to believe them when, a) they give you directions that you did not expect, or b) they say that they do not know. And please do not forget to use others' reactions to your inconsiderate behavior as proof that all New Yorkers are rude but that you out-smarted them by being rude first!"

SHOPPING
Ikea, 1 Beard St. GRAND OPENING: Monday, June 18 9AM
Still no end to the media Swede-ing frenzy: NYSun, WNYC, NYO, Newsday, NYT
OPENING DAY SWAG ALERT!!!

Edible Schoolyard Project, Red Hook Farmer's Market, 6 Wolcott (at Dwight)
(Teenage Mutant Ninja Organic Farmers!)

Fairway Market, 480-500 Van Brunt St.
(Just like the one on the Upper East Side, but Brooklyn-ier!)

Steve’s Authentic Key Lime Pies, Pier 41, 204 Van Dyke St., 718-858-5333
(Why Al Roker can't keep the weight off...)

FUN
Waterfront Arts Festival

Waterfront Museum and Showboat Barge, Pier 44, 290 Conover St., 718-624-4719

Red Hook Boaters, Louis Valentino Jr. Pier Park, 917-676-6458
Who says there is no free kayaking in NYC?

OF INTEREST
Statue Of Liberty: Red Hook is the only NYC neighborhood that gets a full frontal view of Lady Liberty, as Red Hook happens to be in the sight line of the land that that privilege is reserved for—her nation of origin, France.

Brooklyn Cruise Terminal: In 2006 this revamped industrial pier became the new home to that Grand Dam of floating wedding cakes, the Queen Mary 2.

Feast at the Red Hook Ball Fields: Apparently well worth whatever intestinal risk you might incur. The Department of Health tried to close these unlicensed food vendors and foodies and locals alike went all apoplectic. Their case is still pending.

NEIGHBORHOOD PROFILE: "Someone's in the Kitchen with Satan!"

HELL'S KITCHEN
North of West 34th Street to West 57th Street
West of 8th Avenue to the Hudson River

If your idea of public artwork is chalk outlines of bodies on cracked sidewalks, then you might be disappointed by what you find—or don't find—in the notorious NYC neighborhood of Hell's Kitchen. A seething cauldron of thievery, murder, and sleaze from the Civil War until the 1980s—when Giuliani effectively defanged the Irish and Latino gangs responsible for much of the violence—Hell’s Kitchen’s nom de guerre is so well-earned that many New Yorkers are unaware that the neighborhood’s official name is Clinton, dashing many real estate brokers’ hopes that the less colorful, more marketable moniker will ever stick.

Not that anything will ever stick—or unstick—to Hell’s Kitchen that could aversely affect it’s marketability to a wide range of different apartment hunters.

South of West 49th Street, there are lots of studios, one-bedroom, and two-bedroom apartments in four- and five-floor walk-up tenement buildings and brownstones, and small elevator buildings that appeal to young folks who work in near-by midtown offices or the Theater District and who keep the many neighborhood restaurants, cafes, and bars lively at night.

These low-rise buildings are also home to many third- and fourth-generation blue-collar families who tend to do their inter-neighborhood socializing from their stoops while keeping a watchful eye on their children playing on the sidewalks below. Lack of park space and public schools that perform below the New York State averages for reading and math mean few new families are attracted to Hell’s Kitchen.

North of West 49th Street, newly constructed mid-rise and high-rise residential and mixed-use buildings are sprouting up like glass and steel weeds. These buildings offer studios, one-, two-, and three-bedroom luxury condos and rental apartments that are typically dripping with gooey, sweet amenities. Expensive, oui, but with so much space available, developers and management companies make quick with the throw-ins and other pot-sweeteners.

Well at least the name still sounds bad-ass.

Asian Pacific American Heritage Festival

This year's Asian American Heritage Festival took place in its new location at Dag Hammarskjold Plaza on East 47th and 2nd Avenue in Manhattan, New York. So how did the new location fair compared to the old one at Union Square Park?

The Coalition of Asian Pacific American (CAPA) heralded the new place as a "beautiful oasis" surrounded by "luxury coops." This mostly residential neighborhood is a stark contrast from the hustle and bustle of Union Square where the festival was held in previous years. The tree-lined street of Dag Hammarskjold plaza gave the venue a picturesque feel. Pedestrians found it easier to browse through the information booths without having to rub elbows with the crowded throngs they were used to at Union Square. There was contrast even among the attendees; this year's turnouts consist of those who knew and were interested in participating in the festivity whereas in previous years, the fair was overpacked with passerbys who came and went without immersing themselves into the culture, literature, and services that were offered.

During an intermission, Nina Pineda, a reporter from the Eyewitness News Team, announced that she was selling her apartment in Gramercy Park. Perhaps Gramercy Park would've been another great location for next year's fair.

COMING SOON TO A 'HOOD NEAR YOU: Bewildered Manhattanites Only Half-in-the-Bag!

[NYSun]
No one indulges in the charms of the City That Never Sleeps quite like the New Yorkers whose Manhattan apartments are only a quick lurch and stumble from their favorite inebria-torium. But it's nap time, Manhattan (and I'm looking right at YOU, East Village)! Pressure from community boards has made the NY liquor authority increasingly loathe to issue a license without a stipulated 2AM closing time.

COMING SOON TO A 'HOOD NEAR YOU: Your Very Own Freedom Tower!

[NYP]
Someone working on the WTC site dumped sensitive blueprints into a public trash can where they were later found by a homeless man. Who knows how many developers got a glimpse before they were returned to the proper authorities? Just don't be surprised when mid- and high-rise Freedom Tower-lets begin sprouting up as NYU student housing, waterfront Brooklyn condos, and ambitious configurations of cardboard boxes.

Does This Borough Make My Butt Look Big?

Nope, but that butt may make your borough look small—oh, snap! No, seriously...

According to the New York Times, in keeping with bulking trends of the rest of the nation, New Yorkers packed on 10 million pounds between 2002 and 2004. But in a city that paces out space in some of the most expensive square footage on the planet, that means that widening citizens are consuming precious NYC real estate as recklessly as they are apparently consuming complex carbohydrates and contraband transfat.

Not convinced your Brooklyn apartment is fitting a bit more snugly these days?

Think of it this way: 10 million more pounds is the equivalent of adding 20 full-sized replicas of the Statue of Liberty.

Four years later, some New Yorkers may well be sharing their Queens condos, Brooklyn brownstones, Bronx coops, and Staten Island split-levels with their share of 40 more Lady Liberties worth of pudge. But New Yorkers in Manhattan apartments have had to part with far fewer square feet.

Over all, more than 300,000 New Yorkers get to work on foot. But Manhattanites tend to walk more than people who live and work in the rest of the city. They’re more likely to walk to the bus or subway. Walk up and down stairs to stations. Even walk all the way to work.

Here's how the boroughs tip the scales based on percentages of overweight denizens: Manhattan, 42.3%; Queens, 57.6%; Staten Island, 57.7%; Brooklyn, 58.6; and the Bronx, 62.7%.

Cheer up plumper borough dwellers! According to another Times article, you can shave 4 years off your looks if you stand next to a suburbanite:

[R]esearchers concluded that suburbanites were more likely to report chronic health problems, like high blood pressure, arthritis, headaches, migraines and breathing problems than people who lived in the city… [T]heir findings suggested that sprawl ages a community by four years.

COMING SOON TO A 'HOOD NEAR YOU: Scary Smart Kids!

[edWKT] This article features a map that shows that the concentration of NYC public school children classified as Gifted & Talented varies hugely between school districts and boroughs and predictably correlates with local NYC real estate values. To avoid their glassy, will-paralyzing stares, you can find refuge to in the green-colored neighborhoods on the map, but it's only a matter of time and increasing school funding before they find you!